A Different Kind of Stalker
by Defeated Horizon
Summary: Spoilers S6 - McGee wants to find out why Vance has been so nice to him.
1. Chapter 1

**Note **:This is something I wrote very rapidly the other day and... it's not exactly great literature. More... crack :)

It has two parts; I'll post part 2 tomorrow (if I remember to)

**Genre**: Humour/Crack

**Spoilers: **Season 6 episode 6 and everything before!

**Summary**: McGee wants to find out why Vance has been so nice to him lately.

**Rating**: PG

**Disclaimer**: NCIS = not mine. I do not make money writing this fanfiction.

**Chapter 1**

_Like many of his predecessors, Director Wantz was a man shrouded in mystery, whose complex personality was easy to misconstrue. He often appeared holding a toothpick between his blindingly white teeth, which gave the false impression of a laid-back demeanor. For even when there was a smile on his face, his eyes always remained deeply serious. The true foundations of his character could be found in his professionalism, his work ethic and his deeply rooted attachment in serving the agency's best interests._

_In terms of methods, he and agent Tibbs were like night and day. But both had in common a strong sense of justice, and when they worked together in that name, driven by the same force, they formed a powerful alliance that nothing could stop._

_With McGregor, Director Wantz shared an extensive knowledge of computer programming, a tendency to be easily annoyed by Agent Tommy, and an unhealthy obsession with paper shredding. Were those common interests the reason for the respect Director Wantz seemed to treat the young agent with? McGregor did not know. One thing was certain, though: for someone whose work environment had only ever been composed of Tommy's mockery, Liza's dryness, Amy's rejection and Tibbs's disdain, Wantz's attitude was rather refreshing. But McGregor had to admit that it also was, on occasion, quite unsettling, not to mention embarrassing - McGregor would rather have nobody care about him than suffer Tommy's constant teasing about being the "director's pet"._

_"Somebody get McGregor a new pair of shoes," ordered Wantz as he stepped over the shoes superglued to the floor on his way out of Amy's lab._

_McGregor threw a nervous look at his coworkers, hoping that none of them had heard the director._

--------

"THE SHOES!" yelled McGee as he started awake. He stretched slightly and brought a hand to his neck, wincing. He had fallen asleep at his writing table again. Looking at the last page he had typed, he sighed heavily. He had been trying to get past this part of the story for a week now, but he was still blocked at the same point. McGee could tell that the problem came from the character of Director Wantz; he just seemed to be unable to point out what was wrong.

He just acts really strange around McGregor, thought McGee as he leafed pensively through the chapters written since Director Wantz had appeared. The pages were full of sentences such as "Go home, McGregor," or "That's a great job, McGregor".

He does not act like a Director, he acts like... a stalker.

McGee paled as he realized what the book - what his subconscious- had been trying to tell him all this time.

Director Vance was not being nice. He was stalking McGee.

"Oh boy," McGee swore aloud. Why hadn't he realized sooner? He could clearly remember the last time he had had a stalker. Abby had almost been killed, and the entire team had almost killed him in return. He could not let that happen again.

Determined to solve this immediately, he grabbed his coat and his car keys, and left for the Navy Yard. If Vance was stalking him, then McGee was going to confront him about it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Note **: This is part II !

**Genre**: Humour/Crack

**Spoilers: **Season 6 episode 6 and everything before!

**Summary**: McGee wants to find out why Vance has been so nice to him lately.

**Rating**: PG

**Disclaimer**: NCIS = not mine. I do not make money writing this fanfiction.

**Chapter 2**

Tony had always found that paperwork was easier to take care of when it was dark outside and quiet inside. He actually enjoyed working at night - at least when there was nothing better to do. And nothing better to do was exactly what he had tonight, after an unfortunate turn of events or, more precisely, after his recent discovery of the just as unfortunate marital status of one Annie (a very blond-haired, very much 23-year-old Swedish waitress).

Allowing himself a short break between two pages of an extremely tedious report sent by Metro on a cold case which may or may not (and, most likely, _did_ not) have something to do with their current case, Tony let his eyes wander around the squad room and over his coworker's desks. Ziva was probably already up at that time; perfecting her knive-throwing skills in her basement (or something equally scary). Gibbs had most likely dozed off next to his boat after a glass of whiskey (or two, or three). As for Probie, at this time, there was no doubt that he was -

- that he was _standing right in front of Tony's desk, looking extremely tense and slightly angry._

Tony briefly tried to recall what he had done recently to anger McGee, and since none of his recent achievements in that domain particularly jumped to his mind, he decided that the best course of action was probably to ask. "Err, Probie? What can I do for you on this beautiful, _insanely early_ morning?"

Tony had accompanied his question with an anticipatory apologetic smile, but it did not seem to appease McGee's obviously growing rage.

"Where is Wantz?" he asked Tony drily.

Tony raised his eyebrows. "Where is who?"

"Wa- I mean _Vance_. Is he here?"

Slightly taken aback by the sudden tone of urgency in McGee's voice, Tony shrugged. "Well, err, two hours ago or so he was in MTAC, so he's probably in his office now.. but he may be sleep-"

McGee had stormed out of the squad room and reached Vance's office before Tony could have the chance to finish his sentence. The older agent shook his head. McGee's behaviour right now had been extremely strange... something was definitely up.

_I should probably call Gibbs or he'll kill me when he finds out in the morning_, Tony reflected. But he had not even reached for his phone that Gibbs was already calling him. _Abby is right,_ thought Tony as he picked up the phone, _it is creepy_.

"Yes, Boss?"

"DiNozzo, have you seen McGee?"

Tony paused. "Alright, boss, how do you do it? You're not watching the camera to the squad room from your house, are you? 'Cause really, boss, there are much bettter things to watch, you know. If only you let me fix that TV of yours, you could have access to Oldies TV, they have re-runs of Magnum:P.I. every T-"

"DiNozzo! I did not ask for a summary of the TV Guide! I asked you a question!"

Gibbs's exasperated tone left no room for more extended descriptions of Oldies Channel's amazing schedule, so Tony cleared his throat. "Yes boss. I am at work, and McGee was there less than thirty seconds ago."

"Was he okay? Where is he now?"

Gibbs sounded worried, so Tony was worried too, now. "Why, yes, he seemed fine... unusually pissed off if you ask me, but fine... and he left for Vance's office -"

"Alright, Tony. We may have a situation here. Listen to me very carefully..."

Less than two minutes later, Tony was at Director Vance's office door. He considered knocking first, but just as he approached his fist to the door, he heard McGee yell at Vance to _keep his damn toothpick or he'd shove it down his throat_, so he decided to break the door open instead.

He wasted no time and, quickly assessing the situation, pinned McGee to the ground before he could harm the director. The move was handled not-so-smoothly, and nearly knocked McGee out.

"Director! Are you alright?" shouted Tony as he handcuffed a still very dizzy McGee.

Vance was litterally gaping in shock. "... I am fine, agent DiNozzo. What exactly just happened?"

"Agent Gibbs just informed me of new results for the chemical tests in Petty Officer Niedermann's case. The smell at the house resulted from a high dose of to- err..."

"- toluene, also known as methylbenzene or phenylmethane," completed Gibbs, who had just arrived. "It is a gas known for his hallucinogenic effects. Causes paranoia, especially," he added, raising an eyebrow at the sight of a half-conscious McGee handcuffed at Tony's feet in the middle of the Director's office.

Vance frowned deeply. "But what exactly inspired the dramatic entrance in my office, Agent DiNozzo?"

Tony smiled proudly. "Well, McGee seemed unusually nervous when I saw him earlier, so when I got the phone call from Gibbs, I figured that I should go check on you, just in case he had inhaled too much of the gas and was on a paranoid high... So when I heard McGee threatening to shove a toothpick down your throat, I knew he was out to kill you or something..."

"You heard him say that?" asked Vance suddenly. He looked from Gibbs, to DiNozzo, to McGee, and pursed his lips. McGee had indeed said very weird things, but he had most certainly not threatened him...

Tony tried to conceal his smile as much as he could. "Yeah, well, I hope you don't mention this in his record, Director. I mean, he was clearly under the influence of this gas and-"

"Agent DiNozzo," Vance cut him, "Agent McGee never said this. Agent Gibbs, the three of you went to that house earlier this evening, were you not?"

At this, Gibbs looked up. "Well, yes, we were, but only McGee is dangerous," he blurted out immediately.

Tony nodded. "See?"

Vance sighed, and tried very hard not to roll his eyes. Very calmly, pressed a key on his telephone. "John, please have a medical team sent to my office as soon as you can. I've got three agents who inhaled an hallucinogenic gas at a crime scene earlier this evening."

Gibbs and Tony looked at each other, perplexed. Why did Vance not understand that they had just saved his life from an evil, paranoid McGee?

_Three days later_

When he stepped out of the elevator, McGee was greeted by Ziva. "Welcome back, McGee. I heard that you, Gibbs and Tony are no longer intoxicated now?"

McGee looked away, rubbing his head where Tony had hit him when he had tried to 'restrain him' with a little too much enthusiasm. "We are indeed... Gibbs is currently at Abby's lab and Tony is arriving soon." He sighed when he saw Ziva's amused smile. "It seems that we put up quite the show there, didn't we? Gibbs and Tony were collectively convinced that I was after Vance's life, and I was convinced that Vance was after mine. I heard that Vance's door had to be replaced because Tony broke it; and I apparently insulted Director Vance. This is all quite embarrassing, really."

Ziva nodded. "Well, it wasn't your fault, you were all under the influence of a powerful thing, yes? So don't bite yourself about it!"

"You mean _beat_."

"Hmm?"

"The expression is to _beat_ oneself about something. Not to _bite_."

"Oh," she replied, distractedly. "By the way, McGee. The Director wants to see you..."

McGee brought a hand to his face and moaned in despair. "He's gonna fire me, isn't he?"

Ziva did not reply.

_In Vance's office, a few minutes later_

"Ah, McGee, have a seat, please. If you agree to sit this time, that is," said Vance, smiling.

McGee blushed crimson. He could not really remember what he had said or done three days ago, but he vaguely remembered being pretty nervous about Vance's behaviour towards him. "I umm... yes, of course," he stammered, choosing the smallest of the four chairs and secretly hoping that both he and the chair would disappear to another dimension when he sat.

Unfortunately though, such a thing did not happen, and Vance continued to talk. "I understand that you are now feeling better?"

"Umm, yes, Director. Much better, thank you." _Can I go now?_

"I see. Good." Vance munched on his toothpick for a few seconds before going on. "I wanted to apologize. I am not sure what you remember from our little dialogue from three days ago, but... it made me realize some things. So I wanted to make it clear that I wasn't giving you any special treatment, for any reason. And I apologize if I ever made you uncomfortable by my attitude. "

McGee's skin couldn't find a redder shade of red. "I - I don't feel uncomfortable, Director, really." _A very likely statement, McStutter,_ he could hear his inner DiNozzo say as he spoke. "I was not myself, that's all. I would never think such things -"

"Very well, then. I just wanted to make this clear. Go back to work, then."

"Yes sir."

"And take it easy, McGee."

"Yes sir."

"I am saying this as a Director, McGee."

"I know, sir."

"Good."

McGee nodded and let out a deep, deep breath as he left the Director's office.

Once McGee had left his office, Vance took his copy of _Deep Six_ from his drawer. Slowly, he detached the first page, on which he had conscientiously pre-filled the autograph : "For Leon, with love". He sighed. Maybe he would get a signature one day. But for now, better be safe than sorry.

The page disappeared into the shredder with a painful noise.

THE END!


End file.
